Have you ever felt that you were balancing on a razors edge . One edge filed with joy and wonderfully happy moments, the other edge despair,fear and moments of anger. Yes, this has been the past week for me . I don't mean to bum you out on a Monday morning but the name of this blog is call "All Things Ming" and so that means you do get all of me ...sorry :-( . I usually like to stick with upbeat positive, creative posts, but lets face it life is not always upbeat and positive. So when I started this blog my intent was to remain true and share all aspects of my life. Hoping that maybe me sharing my experiences, may they be good or bad help others in some small way. Maybe helping someone relate to a situation they are experiencing and find a small bit of comfort or insight. So here it goes...I hope by writing and sharing my feelings it will serve as a release for me.
It's been a wonderful and productive week in so many ways. Yard work with my children on a sunny day finishing quite a big job while laughing and talking with them. Spending another sunny day with my daughter on trip to New Hope PA. Working on my first Annie Sloan paint project and absolutely loving it and looking to paint anything and everything i can with it. Celebrating my wedding anniversary and going to our favorite restaurant in Philadelphia. Sharing the excitement of my 6 year old as he finishes up kindergarten and looking forward to summer "so we can be together all day" as he puts it . Wonderfully great stuff right???
|Serenity prayer from AA|
So why is my heart crushed just as well. Why am I in such despair at the same time? I am watching a much loved family member throw their life away due to prescription drug addiction. We are talking about a highly educated, extremely privileged being here. Beauty, intelligence, success, the whole package now on its way to ruin.This is not the first in my family either. This epidemic has almost ruined entire portion of one of my siblings family. Watching it, dealing with it, feeling it has left its mark and taken its toll. Yet at the same time has brought such clarity and insight. How can that be ... because it has brought me to such states of despair and sadness to where I have to put all my defenses, strategies and identities down and sit in surrender. Surrender ...that word eluded me for years . I didn't believe in it. Yet when I found it WOW ! Such experiences in growth and movement appeared. I wasn't frozen in fear and anger anymore, I wasn't stuck . I could find ground in the despair and not fall prey to it.This doesn't happen overnight and they still rear their heads but I am no longer stuck in them.
One surrendering situation... going to AL-ANON and to realize I am powerless in this. I cant stress enough how important it is for people in these situations to seek the support of this organization. I learned the three C's ...I didn't CAUSE this, I can't CONTROL this , and I cant CHANGE this. Cause I was killing myself mentally trying. I learned it doesn't matter your social standing this disease can happen and affect anyone. So I can't stress enough. If you are in a situation like this or maybe feeling vulnerable or out of sorts over a situation please seek help and support its out there and it is ok to use it. Find your serenity in a difficult situation, don't be afraid, it there for you.
|Pema's book "When things fall apart" is amazing|
|Pema Chodron , Buddhist nun|
And I will continue on this razors edge... for such is life, we can't have the good without the bad, the dark without the light , the joy without the sadness...
Well thank you for listening and being here with me. It has helped writing and sharing.
I will be back tomorrow back with my usual posts with some creativity to share.
In light and love,